Friday, May 13, 2016

7 1/2 Months Old

We allll have the 24 hour (god, I hope so) flu. I'm taking it a lot harder than Ava is. Probably has something to do with her first time in daycare. Yaaaay.

She said "da-da"....I think this scientifically proves that it just comes before "ma-ma".

I'm back to work, except for today, because I was throwing up. It's actually a bit better despite all the debauchery still occurring.

Still dating Mr. Dude.

Sorry I wrote a novel :-p

Saturday, May 7, 2016

7 1/4 Months Old - Expect the Unexpected...

So much has changed in a week.

Ok guys...

I'm going back to work. I had to play the tough negotiator but I'm off nights, still doing weekends for now. More hours, more money.

Ava waved bye-bye! I have been trying to teach her for a while now, and she totally did it on her own the other day. Adding to that, I SWEAR she said bye-bye today. It wasn't buh-buh or bye-bye-bye, just bye-bye. Tried to catch it on camera but of course she stopped doing it...

She has mastered pulling herself up in the pack n play so I had to take the top part out and she's 3 feet deep in that thing for now.

She didn't really crawl, but she somehow managed to contort herself over to Grandpa. Not surprised. He's like her favorite person.

I caved and we're supplementing with formula for when I go out and possibly when I go back to work. And THIS you guys I should have seen coming...the past week I have been really crampy but only at night. My letdown has been weird at night. My appetite has decreased A LOT. Then I realized, after Ava passes out, she's basically night weaned. Sometimes she'll wake up but most of the time she can comfort herself back to sleep or use the paci and if she does want to nurse it's for 10 seconds and she pops off and rolls over back to sleep. Yesterday we walked all around Disney and I spotted like a little. Not even anything on the pantyliner. So imagine my surprise when today I bled through my pants....while on a date.


A date. A second date, in fact.

But maybe I should back up here...

Might have been a few weeks ago that I decided amongst this whole radical life change deal that I would have some free time to try and date. Key word being try. So even though I never had luck with it before, I went back to online dating because my friend had been meeting some cool dudes that way.

Back to the future...and I'll maybe write more on this subject later, I'm going out with this guy for a second time after our initial meeting which was awkward as fuh for me. I was so nervous I was basically mute. Not at all myself. So I'm SO pumped that 1. we're going to go do something really fun that I think I'll feel more comfortable with and 2. I actually liked him and he liked me enough to go out again. So I'm thinking based off the day before, I'll just be SUPER extra safe and use a super sport tampon since I planned on being gone for 5ish hours. We get to where we're going and I whoop his ass on the go-karts. Right after, I go to the bathroom and I have soaked my underwear and it's like...all in the crotch of my pants but not where you can see while I'm walking. WTF do I do? There's no paper towels. I'm wondering how in the hell is this happening, did having a kid make it easy for this stuff to escape? Is it just everything below the tampon itself coming out? I resolve to call the park since there were girls working at the desk and one of them brings me this itty bitty junior tampon. I take off my pants in the handicap stall, wash out the blood mostly, dry them under the hand dryer, throw away my underwear, but that doesn't solve the problem of what to do from there so I had to text him and tell him what happened. I'm wondering what the hell I ever did to anyone to deserve this. He talks the people into giving us vouchers to come back, so we run to Walmart and I tell him to chill in the front because I don't want him tagging along lol but that's what he did. I had to buy pants...underwear...and super duper pads. And he tried to hold my hand which was a big fuck no with me because I felt so disgusting. I change in the bathroom and not a second too soon. I've soaked through both tampons and they're leaking onto the TP in my pants. Ugh. I get that situated, we grab some food, and head back where we proceed to have fun. And in the end, he asked if I wanted to hang out 2 days from then which I declined because 1st Mother's Day and all so he said he'd hit me up later which he did. So part of me is pretty excited he seems like a decent dude, and the other half of me feels like I'm blowing it in the physical affection department which is weird, because once I'm really with someone, you have to pry me off with a crowbar sometimes.

Anyway, that is the most mortifying thing that's ever happened to me, and I sit here, honestly bleeding more than when Ava was first born but at least the cramps don't seem as bad as they used to be.

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

7 Months Old

We're now in the last half of Ava's first year.


I'm thinking of starting her on meat purees and roughly smashed veggies and fruits soon. It's hard to find organic meat meals without corn or quinoa or rice. She can definitely put down 4 oz at a time  of food but sometimes she just wants the boob. This leads me to...the last night of work, my homemade hemp milk/coconut oil was too thick to get through slow flow nipples and frustrated as all hell, I bought some Honest Co. formula just in case the apocalypse happened. Did she take that either? No. But then this happened:   I can't win. So as it turns out, yet again, no issue with my supply but with my let-down reflex. I don't get one with the pump. I'm starting to not have one with her until 5 minutes in of her latching and unlatching going from boob to boob, ESPECIALLY at night which is, as you remember, when I work...Hmph...So I'm pretty sure I've officially quit. Should I just go to formula feeding at work? Because then I thought about it and I reasoned that I'm sure there is a bunch of crap trickling into my milk from all the crap I eat. Still though, the pump stimulates the milk (prolactin) but I don't get the let-down (oxytocin) and I'm tired of being on the brink of mastitis every weekend. And honestly my old job was not worth it. A new job I like? Maybe. I'm probably being way too nuts about this because I feel lucky we've even made it this far. PCOS and hormonal imbalances are no joke. Also, I wanted to quit like 4 days in! Formula feeding was definitely close to reality, so by putting it off 7 months, I've done great right? It just seemed too unfair, to have come this far and then give it up for a job I hate. So no thanks.

I'm not entirely sure but I think teeth #6 and #7 have busted through. And her other top eye tooth is visible up in the gums.

She is trying so desperately to crawl. She can scoot backwards but the other day she kerplunked herself forward a bit. She just hasn't realized her arms will help her. Her other new favorite past time is trying to pull herself up to standing while in the pack n play. Just this morning, she sat up by herself too. It was breakfast time and I guess the boob is good motivation.

The most exciting thing yet for me though is she is learning how to copy things. She likes to make this popping noise with her lips like she's sounding out a P but yesterday, I did it to her and we went back and forth doing it, She'd watch as I did it, then she'd do it, and wait for me to do it again. According to my mom, she was trying to say bubble (buh-buh-buh) while I was taking my final exam (which I got an 84 on) thanks to Sesame Street.

And oh, separation anxiety has been kicking in big time. My once content all the time baby now is choosy about when and to who she wants to leave me for lol. And she busts into hysterics when I lay her in the pack and play to change her diaper.

We're transitioning from 9-12 month clothes to 12-18 months in everything except she wears some 2T and 24 month pajama sets.

Other than that she's still a healthy, happy girl.

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

6 1/2 Months Old

Damn you Wonder Weeks!

I don't know what her deal is, but Ava has lost it. Ok, I'VE lost it. She WHINES all the fucking time. Not crying. It sounds very much like a toddler throwing a tantrum. And nothing is wrong because she'll instantly start laughing at something or smiling or become fascinated by the dog. And this is like ALL night long. Doesn't want to go to sleep, doesn't want to stay asleep. Doesn't want to nurse, just kidding she does. Over and over and over.

And she's violent! Always hitting and pinching and scratching and kicking and biting. OMG the biting.

Ok, glad that's over.

My child seems to be returning to normal.

Except she is about 10 seconds from crawling. She can get up on hands and knees except she pushes herself backwards and she pushes herself in circles all around the pack n play and on a soft surface, she's actually made it forward a bit.

No new teeth yet, though she may be working on a molar.

I've started planning her 1st birthday party though I hate to admit that.

Talked to the director of the program I wanted to get into about the schedule of classes. Realized Ava will be almost 1 so I don't *have* to pump anymore. Holy shit. It's so weird how I project her to be this age forever in the immediate future. Soon my baby will be my toddler.

Friday, April 8, 2016

Breaking Point

So in doing what could be the smartest or dumbest thing I've ever done....I quit my job.

I can't take it anymore.

Also, I'm not willing to give my daughter formula for this shit job.

I'm really not responding to the pump anymore. It gets worse and worse each session. Some nights I can't even pump and have to do it in the day and I'm too stressed.

Not even sure if I qualify for unemployment but I'm going to try anyway.

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

6 months old

So! We made it back from our trip alive!

The way up was great. 8 hours on the dot even though we made multiple stops. Ava was fussy for 15 minutes and then passed out. I felt so bad not being able to help. I caved and gave her half a dose of baby motrin but she got the pukes. Turns out, she was cutting a tooth overnight. The fourth. In my last post, she only had two about to be three. Now it's four. Her top two are looking like they will be gracing us with their presence shortly.

I got stir crazy and we went to Atlanta because my sister had to work and I bought a city pass so we went to the Georgia aquarium, CNN, the world of coca-cola, and the National Center for human and civil rights. I bought 2 overpriced and cold burgers. Don't do it people. There's a lovely food court in the cnn building I wish I had known about. Surprisingly we didn't get rained out.

My nephew had his 2nd birthday party and even though I was the youngest mom there, I felt so old. Like I've officially been inducted into mom life. It's so crazy that my sister and I have kids of our own now. Sometimes I'd give anything for us to be 16 and 6 again. It feels like I never get any quality time with her and it makes me sad but I know that it won't last forever.

On an odd note, Ava loves shawshank redemption. She laughed through the whole thing.

THEN she got her first fever. No other symptoms, lasted about a day. Went to her 6 month check up and they said she was fine. I have a low grade fever too but it's definitely some allergy/sinus stuff.

I'm planning on taking her to swim lessons and the beach soon since our climate of hell seems to have returned.

Also enjoy this photobomb.

Friday, March 25, 2016

25 Weeks

My last in-weeks update...*sniff*

Ava is crazy. Craaaazy awesome. She can stand by herself for a millisecond, and then realizes what she is doing, starts laughing, and loses her balance. I'm sure she could stand holding something besides my fingers if I could find anything that tall lol. She also hates to be put back in the car seat only after we've been somewhere. We've been checking out new places to live and when we go to leave she throws a fit. She really loves people, probably too much.

That second front tooth is so close to cutting through.

She says something that sounds eerily similar to hey. Like a lot. Not sure if it's her first word or not. Nothing close to mama, but not dada either. Just aboooooo.

We are also going to attempt our first road trip next week. I'm personally looking forward to the time off but I'm scared out of my mind as well. I'm sure it will take us 12 hours if I'm being realistic. Usually I stop to get gas once and eat and pee and that's it. Probably can't do that with a baby even if I pump and give her a bottle while driving. Or maybe I can....we'll see.