Saturday, April 18, 2015

17.5 Weeks I'm terrible

I haven't updated, my bad. I will try to remember what's gone down in the past week...

           16 Weeks                           Vs                      17 Weeks

  • Nursery progress: I found someone to take my old dresser, bought my deer head, and super big initial letter.
  • Haven't gained weight. I had this bout of fluid retention/constipation because I was eating and salty foods at that. But that's all gone now. It also made me look huge so now my bump has shrank. 
  • I'm eating! I sware! I did have some moments of nausea the other day which scared the shit out of me but I can even brush my tongue again now! 
  • I am so amazed by how big she is! She is about 9 inches crown to heel which is the length of my forearm and foot. There is a foot inside of me lol. 
  • Someone felt her kick. At first I was like are you nuts? I didn't feel anything, but 5 seconds later she definitely did something, it was pretty unmistakable. I think I also felt her first hiccups that night. I feel her move so much more now but I can't see it or feel it from the outside. 
  • New symptoms: Crying ALL the time, my feet hurt, my everything feels sore, braxton hicks when dehydrated, and pubic symphysis pain. OH and peeing, like every hour. Except sometimes I go and then as soon as I get out of the bathroom I realize I have to go again, that is annoying. 
  • She has a name! 

Sunday, April 12, 2015

A Pregnant after Miscarriage Post

I'm pregnant, and showing, and have a so-far healthy baby girl in me. I'm excited, just like a first-time parent should be.

But that really has nothing to do with my feelings about my miscarriages. My two past due dates are this week, April 10th and 15th, and while the sting has faded, I still miss them. This is my 3rd child in my head, and I never forget her siblings, since one is buried in the backyard. I think I might get a small piece of cake, light a candle, and celebrate the birthdays that never were. Every time this part of the year comes around, I go into a funk. Sometimes subconsciously.

I'm not totally sure what happens after death but regardless, I hope they know how much I love and miss them.

And yet, I feel as if I were to talk to anyone about my feelings, they wouldn't get it, like because I'm so much farther along with this baby, that the last two aren't really real. But according to The Velveteen Rabbit which I loved reading growing up...

“Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.” 

I wish people would get that.

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Pregnancy Update #25 - 16 Weeks

I am NOT feeling better. Nope, nope, nope. Insane crazy headaches, hot flashes, feeling like I'm going to pass out, tired as shit, and still sick/can't eat normally. While I haven't lost anymore weight, I have't put any on either. It is affecting my work, and I'm totally failing school. But that's ok, cuz I got a plan.

And I had my FIRST preggo meltdown. So this ONE pizza hut kinda close to my house has a daily lunch buffet so I book it and get there at 1:25, it closes down at 1:30. There is STILL hot ass food on the buffet so they haven't cleaned it up. It takes 6 minutes for someone to come by and see me and sit me, cuz it's like that y'all. BUT NO, somehow it's MY fault that it's now 1:31 and they will NOT let my extremely hungry, pregnant ass get the damn buffet, WHILE PEOPLE ARE STILL GOING UP AND EATING OFF IT. No, I do NOT want to waste even more money by only eating half of what I order so yeah, the point of the buffet was I don't really know what I want, I'd like to be a little picky and pay you 6.99 for the small amount I DO eat. All I wanted was some fucking delicious, golden-y brown, cheesy pizza with the little brown dots and not-so-acidic tomato sauce. Fuck. So I told the waitress it was "total bullshit" and went in my car and cried. Yep, I cried. Over pizza hut.


I do feel the baby move a lot more now and after I found out the gender, I went and bought a crap load of stuff, including the coming home outfit. So much cuteness.

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Pregnancy Update #24.5 - Introducing!

My beautiful little girl :)

Pregnancy Update #24 - It's a....

T minus four hours until the ultrasound!

Votes for Boy: my dad, best friend, best guy friend, best IF friend, and a female coworker

Placenta is on the right.

More boys measure ahead.

I have headaches.

I can only think of boy names.

My nose is bigger!

Mayan tale: this one confused me since I did iVf but 23 + 2014 and 24 + 2015 are still odd numbers so boy.

Chinese gender chart: I guess I technically conceived in January either year and both say boy. This has been right for EVERYBODY I know so...

Votes for Girl: all the kids at work

The donor has 5 girls.

The heart rate is above 140.

I didn't see a nub at all during the NT scan.

Morning sickness is awful.

Unlike last pregnancy, I'm still breaking out, my hair isn't growing, and instead of a golden glow, I have a ruddy color.

My ob verified my uterus is right at the bottom of my belly button so I guess I'm carrying high?

I read that lower quality blasts that make healthy babies are usually girls rather than boys.

Unlike last time when my feet were hella cold, they're not now.

So pretty much cut down the middle. I've had two dreams that it was a boy, two that it was a girl. My mom who is normally super good at this is getting no vibes.

But at epcot the other day, I saw about fifty thousand little blonde girls. One in particular though gave me the willies. I was getting off a ride and someone she knew must have been behind me because she lit up like a Christmas tree and came running in my direction. She also looked a lot like me as a kid and something just told me yep, that's her, that's your daughter. Like a sign from the universe.

We shall see... :)

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Pregnancy Update #23 - 14.5 Weeks

If I had a dime for every time someone told me my morning sickness should be going away, I'd buy myself a nice dinner. If I had a dollar for every time I threw up or felt intensely sick afterwards, I'd buy the damn restaurant.

 I really spoke too soon last post, I lost more weight. I am officially lighter than even after my diet. 160 pounds. At 5'5'' I'm still over weight. I think I was about that weight before my IVF cycle a year ago but I had lost some recently anyway before that from doing the Paleo diet. I also feel like 20 pounds of it is boob. The kids at work call me Cantaloupes. I'm not amused. I don't really notice it but everyone else IS.

There's nothing really new except I can't believe I'm almost 15 weeks. It is really going fast, like what, 25 to go? I swear it was 30 the other day. And I can't believe how BIG the baby is. He or she has come a long way from just my egg, and just my blast, and just my embryo, to now. I can't believe that this is in me. And I highly suspect he or she might be a little bigger lol.

Monday, March 23, 2015

Pregnancy Update #22 - 14 Weeks

Ok, so after last week's weight loss, I actually didn't lose anymore today, yay!

All my maternity shirts were saggy on me and I hated it SO I got some regular fucking clothes. Tight tank tops cuz I'm young and hot and I can LOL.

And I have a REAL bump. Every time I have a crampy day, I swear my uterus explodes a couple days after. Well, I had a crampy day and then BOOM! Explosion. Today the baby was laying transverse AT MY BELLY BUTTON! Which is right were the blue meets the white in the picture.

Something REALLY COOL happened this past week, the baby and I have a game. I feel around on my stomach to where I think I feel the baby, put the doppler there, then I hear the heartbeat. If he or she is awake, they usually move so I do it again, and I find them again. It's pretty fucking cool. I've had my friends feel, so I know I'm not crazy. As far as movements go, maybe I'm feeling them but I'm really second guessing. I think I've had one kick in the past week. Not so much rolling anymore, but I can hear the movement on the doppler.

AND I found a gender ultrasound place around here that will do it at 15 weeks and since I measure a week ahead, I'm probably going to take the earliest appointment I can get since I'm sure it will be next week most likely.

But THE most important thing is that I am DONE with the first trimester, it can really go fuck itself. Now I do have headaches everyday and I'm occasionally still sick and I sleep ALL the time but it feels damn good to be out of there. It's like hey, I'm REALLY pregnant lol. And to celebrate, I bought my stroller and carseat.