Wednesday, April 20, 2016

6 1/2 Months Old

Damn you Wonder Weeks!

I don't know what her deal is, but Ava has lost it. Ok, I'VE lost it. She WHINES all the fucking time. Not crying. It sounds very much like a toddler throwing a tantrum. And nothing is wrong because she'll instantly start laughing at something or smiling or become fascinated by the dog. And this is like ALL night long. Doesn't want to go to sleep, doesn't want to stay asleep. Doesn't want to nurse, just kidding she does. Over and over and over.

And she's violent! Always hitting and pinching and scratching and kicking and biting. OMG the biting.

Ok, glad that's over.

My child seems to be returning to normal.

Except she is about 10 seconds from crawling. She can get up on hands and knees except she pushes herself backwards and she pushes herself in circles all around the pack n play and on a soft surface, she's actually made it forward a bit.

No new teeth yet, though she may be working on a molar.

I've started planning her 1st birthday party though I hate to admit that.

Talked to the director of the program I wanted to get into about the schedule of classes. Realized Ava will be almost 1 so I don't *have* to pump anymore. Holy shit. It's so weird how I project her to be this age forever in the immediate future. Soon my baby will be my toddler.

Friday, April 8, 2016

Breaking Point

So in doing what could be the smartest or dumbest thing I've ever done....I quit my job.

I can't take it anymore.

Also, I'm not willing to give my daughter formula for this shit job.

I'm really not responding to the pump anymore. It gets worse and worse each session. Some nights I can't even pump and have to do it in the day and I'm too stressed.

Not even sure if I qualify for unemployment but I'm going to try anyway.

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

6 months old

So! We made it back from our trip alive!

The way up was great. 8 hours on the dot even though we made multiple stops. Ava was fussy for 15 minutes and then passed out. I felt so bad not being able to help. I caved and gave her half a dose of baby motrin but she got the pukes. Turns out, she was cutting a tooth overnight. The fourth. In my last post, she only had two about to be three. Now it's four. Her top two are looking like they will be gracing us with their presence shortly.

I got stir crazy and we went to Atlanta because my sister had to work and I bought a city pass so we went to the Georgia aquarium, CNN, the world of coca-cola, and the National Center for human and civil rights. I bought 2 overpriced and cold burgers. Don't do it people. There's a lovely food court in the cnn building I wish I had known about. Surprisingly we didn't get rained out.

My nephew had his 2nd birthday party and even though I was the youngest mom there, I felt so old. Like I've officially been inducted into mom life. It's so crazy that my sister and I have kids of our own now. Sometimes I'd give anything for us to be 16 and 6 again. It feels like I never get any quality time with her and it makes me sad but I know that it won't last forever.

On an odd note, Ava loves shawshank redemption. She laughed through the whole thing.

THEN she got her first fever. No other symptoms, lasted about a day. Went to her 6 month check up and they said she was fine. I have a low grade fever too but it's definitely some allergy/sinus stuff.

I'm planning on taking her to swim lessons and the beach soon since our climate of hell seems to have returned.

Also enjoy this photobomb.

Friday, March 25, 2016

25 Weeks

My last in-weeks update...*sniff*

Ava is crazy. Craaaazy awesome. She can stand by herself for a millisecond, and then realizes what she is doing, starts laughing, and loses her balance. I'm sure she could stand holding something besides my fingers if I could find anything that tall lol. She also hates to be put back in the car seat only after we've been somewhere. We've been checking out new places to live and when we go to leave she throws a fit. She really loves people, probably too much.

That second front tooth is so close to cutting through.

She says something that sounds eerily similar to hey. Like a lot. Not sure if it's her first word or not. Nothing close to mama, but not dada either. Just aboooooo.

We are also going to attempt our first road trip next week. I'm personally looking forward to the time off but I'm scared out of my mind as well. I'm sure it will take us 12 hours if I'm being realistic. Usually I stop to get gas once and eat and pee and that's it. Probably can't do that with a baby even if I pump and give her a bottle while driving. Or maybe I can....we'll see.

Monday, March 21, 2016

24 1/2 Weeks

My girl is growing up so fast!

So the reason she was fussy the night before Disney is that she was teething super hard. The next day after the last post, her bottom front tooth came through. Like absolutely through. White, sharp, all that. The one next to it is about to pop any day now as well.

A few days ago we were hanging out on my bed and it took me a minute to realize she was sitting up on her own! She only did it a few minutes each time but it's a lot more progress from doing it for just a few seconds.

Then! Yesterday as I was walking through the living room, she was in her pack and play and she rolled over! Not for anything special, just the tv.

So far she likes to eat avocado, sweet potato, butternut squash, and green beans. She's kinda meh about pears, and doesn't like banana or apricot. Can't say I blame her. She still only eats once a day, sometimes no solids at all. Even though her weight gain seems to be slowing down, she's still tall as heck and I bought her a new summer wardrobe in all 12 month sizes. It really is too hot for her to wear her leggings and long sleeve onesies. I also find it totally acceptable for her to go without socks now.

My whole job situation is still up in the air right now. I'm constantly applying to anything that pays better with more hours which means she will probably be heading to daycare sometime in the near future. I'm to the point with my current job that I'm just about to say fuck it and quit without something else lined up and live off of savings. I know I shouldn't, but I'm thiiiiiiis close to a mental breakdown, and in the meantime, I'm just a general ass and not productive. At the same time, I don't get my time to pump and it's wearing on my supply and the stress itself is not letting me let-down so it's like what's the point? And the constant drama/passive aggressive bullshit about when and who can bring their kid to which meeting or training with no communication from the higher-ups, then we get blamed and I said before I had Ava to NOT expect me to be at whatever it is if I can't bring Ava. My other night shift coworker is kindof in the same predicament and we're both fed up with it.

AND just when I was feeling semi-good about myself, I ballooned overnight. Like 10 pounds. People have noticed. Ugh. Stupid fucking body.

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

23 1/2 Weeks - I am a crazy person...

First, when do I count stopping in weeks?

Confession....I'm not even going to correct that above statement just to let you know how tired I am right now. My sleep patterns have been bizarre. I feel like I have caffeine in my blood. I don't really sleep. Sometimes I want to, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I go days on 6 hours of sleep combined. But I'm especially tired now because...

I took Ava to Disney for the first time today.


I've been really restless lately and with how expensive the day tickets are, it just made sense to get an annual pass. Not that I got a super schmancy one. I live in Central Florida so it's no biggie to go and only do a couple of things a trip, and my sister lives super close to there anyway in case I'm too tired to drive or have an emergency or whatever. I was nervous as heck because I thought I might eventually regret my decision to take Ava or myself to be quite honest. I'm used to powering through all 4 parks in one day, scheduling every move, and taking very few bathroom breaks, but you can't really do that with a baby. And also, she was INSANELY fussy the night before when we were out and that's extremely unlike her.

So I set my alarm for 6:30 and surprisingly didn't forget anything on my packing list and we were on the road by 7:15. Ava even slept through me changing her clothes and diaper. Now since we got there early, we were parked pretty close but I went to take the tram just out of habit...bad idea. Imagine me taking a backpack, and an ergo, a large wetbag full of clean dipes, and a diaper bag, and a baby, collapsing down the stroller (which wasn't hard because I LOVE my stroller) and trying to lug that thing up and over the sides...but some nice dude helped me out. Then I picked up my pass, and got on the ferry and headed to Magic Kingdom.

I immediately booked all of our fast passes for the character meet n greets because NO WAY am I standing in line for an hour to not even ride anything. Normally I don't do those kinds of things but since I wouldn't be riding Splash Mountain, I figured why the heck not. The photographers did get some good pictures, One thing I didn't anticipate was how much of a pain in the ass the stroller was going to be. But at least it carried my crap around. Ava didn't want much to do with it the whole day so with wearing her in the ergo and pushing it with all our stuff around, I'm pretty sure I burnt a pound of lard off.

It wasn't the same as going sans baby but that's ok. It was fun to remember that last time I was in one particular spot I was such and such weeks pregnant with Ava. And I felt like a REAL mom  compulsively applying sunscreen (which California Baby's held up VERY well). She liked the Little Mermaid ride and meeting Tinkerbell, but other than that, she could care less. Her favorite thing was to flirt with everyone. She LOOOVED all the people and everybody commented on how good/happy/sociable she was. Go figure. I carry her on my back for an hour waiting on the Jungle Cruise and she thinks the line is all the fun.

Friday, March 4, 2016

Job Update

I forgot to update!

I have an interview Monday! Still working on landing another one.

Basically there are 2 possible avenues I'm pursuing:

#1 will be working at the school I go to now as a sortof receptionist. I will make less and it would be part-time but it has TONS of benefits: standard medical/dental stuff, holidays, vacation time, discounts on sporting events/performances, cosmetology services, gym membership, car repairs, daycare when Ava meets the age requirement, but MOST important...tuition assistance and that might make up with the salary differential. I could probably also get into a better paying position eventually. This is the one I have an interview for.

#2 will be working directly in the foster care system, doing a bit of what I do now. Supervising visits, paperwork, transporting the kids to appointments, etc. Basically a case manager assistant. And that seems an easier transition because I know at least half of the case workers in the company already just from interacting with them at my job now and I could eventually become a case worker myself, I just have to take a training class. It is full time with less benefits. However, it could be very stressful.

And adding more fuel to the fire....I was pretty much full-time all throughout my pregnancy which was last year. The year before, it would fluctuate based on my classes. Until May, I was planning on being part time and then in the summer going full time and then seeing what happens from there because the program I want to get into has a lot of online classes. Until now I've never had a problem getting my insurance but now they want to cut me off. Like really. Fuck you. AND I was planning on dropping some coverage so it would cost them less in the long run. But you don't have to be full-time to get insurance, there's just a certain hour quota which would average out in the long run. Ugh.