Tuesday, September 20, 2016

11.75 Months Old


About 10 seconds after my last post. Now she is walking steadily, though sometimes she prefers to crawl.

We are both still alive and well. I've been swamped with work, school, and party planning.

She is beginning to find things way more amusing than before and has quite the sense of humor. Also, she surprised the hell out of me with "I did it!" and "what's that book?". Although she's still way behind where I was on milestones, she has her own unique intelligence. For example, she is very nurturing. She loves to cuddle her stuffed animals and has taken to wrapping them up in a blanket and also likes to grab your face to touch foreheads together. Another new thing she does is hiding toys behind her back when playing with someone, almost in a sneaky way. If you ask her if she pooped and needs a new diaper, she will say "yes".

I think she's going to finish out the year at 31.5 inches and 22 pounds. For sure, she's feeling heavier and heavier.

Personally, it seems pregnancy did NOT cure my PCOS. Last period I thought I was going to bleed out. Ok, let me preface this by saying about 30ish days into my cycle, I had 5 days of light spotting, some days it was bright red, but scant. 27 days later, the floods came. I'm not sure if I had 2 periods or just one, but I bled enough for the entire year. One night, I woke up and literally felt it so I tried to book it to the bathroom and I'm telling you guys, even with a pad and panties on, it GUSHED out of me on to the floor. Looked like a murder scene. I took pictures because I'm tired of doctors not believing me. There was a clot half the size of my foot, and I wear an 8 1/2 shoe. I was basically Carrie with blood caked all down my legs. I can't take this crap anymore. I'm terrified to go anywhere on on my period. I bled through my pants BAD at Disney, unknowingly, and I did it again at work.

AND THEN, I gained MORE weight. So I don't care what I have to do, this can't keep going on. As such, I've started not an official diet or workout plan, unless we were to call it the "better choices" diet. The long and short of it is:

Taking CLA, GLA, a fat burner, and BCAAs
Protein all day, every day
No fast food! No cookies! No ice cream! No pizza! NO CRAP!
Cardio in HIIT fashion and weight training, with a specific emphasis on getting an ass
Trying to limit bad carbs like processed sugar, and getting more good carbs like fiber

That's really about it. As I said, better choices.

And finally, I think Mr Dude and I are coming up on a hiatus but maybe not? I know I haven't shared much on that front because honestly, it involves so much of my past that would take forever to explain but I think I will write about it more when we are officially official or break-up. Next week will be 5 months of dating and I think by 6 months, things should be more figured out.

Friday, August 12, 2016

10 1/2 Months

Somebody is getting their 1 year molars!

The other day in the store I gave her a teething biscuit and she loved them. I was so surprised though when I realized she was trying to share it with me. It's little moments like those that make me feel like I'm doing a good job.

Preparations for her birthday party have begun. Trying to do most of it DIY and stay on a relatively small budget.

Getting ready to go back to school has been a constant pain in the ass. I've never dealt with federal student aid before and it's a mess. That and several other things it would take too long to go into. I haven't even had time to think about what life is about to be like and maybe that's a good thing. I'm pretty sure I'll want to pull my hair out constantly.

Speaking of, I need to buy scrubs. I was putting it off because I thought my weight would change and it did but not in the way I was hoping. PCOS and stress have ballooned me up yet again. I was almost as heavy as when I was due with Ava but I guess some was water weight because this morning I'm down 5 pounds.

We are also going on out first plane trip! To Texas to help a friend move back home. It'll be interesting with 2 adults, 3 kids, and a dog. It's 24 hours of driving but I love road trips. Gives me time to think and I need to think about a lot of things.

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

10 Months Old

Here we go!

Ava stood ALL BY HERSELF! She's still not walking alone. She's a smart little thing. She's very careful to sit down slowly and always have something to hold onto.

She is most definitely talking. She waves and says hi and bye to everyone. Uh oh is her favorite word. She said thank you again in a correct context.

She has all her front 4 teeth and I see 4 more in the gums.

She's definitely a whiner. Like....a lot. Some days she drives me crazy.

She wears size 5 shoes and 18m to 2t clothes. I know she is 30.5 inches but still don't know her weight. I'm pretty sure it's over 20 pounds though.

I give her hemp milk occasionally since that is what I'll be using as a dairy replacement and she seems to like it. Still no juice but she has had sips of my tea. We're southern for sure.

What's going on with me is that school is about to start and I have a million things to do. Grants will be covering my tuition and I'm expecting a niiice refund so I might be able to cut a day from my schedule depending because Ava will be going to school with me when she turns 1. They have a daycare on campus and they're very learning oriented. It's not cheap and adding an extra day doesn't change the cost much so I'm hoping to switch my work days to another weekday and work less on the weekend. And also, still dating that guy. We're not officially official but I think that decision will be coming up soon after we see how my new schedule works out. He is so good with Ava. I might write a separate post all about dating but for now, that's all I'm going to put out there.

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

9 Months Old

It's been forever! My bad, you guys....

We are now out of infant carseat land! The new convertible one matches the old one so most likely Ava will still be in it if a little brother or sister comes along.

She is sooo determined to start walking soon. She's doing everything but.

I think she's saying a few words but I'm not convinced. So far, they might include bear, duck, dog, and thank you.

She can consistently point out a circle and star when SHE wants to.

She's waving hi and bye.

I don't know how big she is. She's wearing 2T in some brands now.

Got some lab work done to see how things are down in baby factory land. My lh:fsh ratio is almost 2:1 so yeah, PCOS is not miraculously cured. And I've gained almost 20 pounds since Ava was born. Wtf. I refuse to let it bother me until she's a year old. I don't want to wean but it's not healthy for me to carry around this weight. Annnnd being selfish here...I kinda want a night to myself. Or a few days vacation, specifically my friend's Bachelorette party 6 hours away for a whole weekend.

Mr. Dude and I are stilllllll dating. Everything is just getting better and no complaints from me.

And we moved! Sweet, sweet victory. No more drive-by shootings and crack houses! I wish I was being sarcastic but I'm not...I'm feeling like woah, I am really rocking this single mom thing. Life is on a general upswing and I am definitely enjoying it.

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

8 Months Old

The skills have just exploded in the past two weeks. Ava is crawling in full force, standing up in the playpen, clapping her hands, shaking her head "no", imitating my dad "getting" someone's nose, making all kinds of weird new sounds, and eating things like puffs and rice and mushed up whatever I'm eating. She's becoming so cognizant of things I'm like woah, ok. Learning time!

So that stomach flu turned into something else entirely and long story short, whooping cough couldn't be ruled out. It sounded exactly the same with same symptoms but since these antibiotics, the cough is almost completely gone but she's still snotty. On one hand I've read it's supposed to last like months but real life accounts from nonvaxxing parents have described it as rather quick, more like 2 weeks long.

And after receiving a bunch of varied opinions on the subject, I let Mr Dude meet Ava. We drove north about an hour and spent the day at the beach and visiting a lighthouse. I didn't really care too much for the artifacts themselves but the structures they were housed in were beautiful. Hardwood floors, the fire places, all the mouldings, it was like a Nicole Curtis wet dream. I didn't have any expectations but if I did, he would have exceeded them. Everything was just right. Since then, we've gone out more sans baby and talked more in depth on a series of different subjects so I guess things are going good. 

Friday, May 13, 2016

7 1/2 Months Old

We allll have the 24 hour (god, I hope so) flu. I'm taking it a lot harder than Ava is. Probably has something to do with her first time in daycare. Yaaaay.

She said "da-da"....I think this scientifically proves that it just comes before "ma-ma".

I'm back to work, except for today, because I was throwing up. It's actually a bit better despite all the debauchery still occurring.

Still dating Mr. Dude.

Sorry I wrote a novel :-p

Saturday, May 7, 2016

7 1/4 Months Old - Expect the Unexpected...

So much has changed in a week.

Ok guys...

I'm going back to work. I had to play the tough negotiator but I'm off nights, still doing weekends for now. More hours, more money.

Ava waved bye-bye! I have been trying to teach her for a while now, and she totally did it on her own the other day. Adding to that, I SWEAR she said bye-bye today. It wasn't buh-buh or bye-bye-bye, just bye-bye. Tried to catch it on camera but of course she stopped doing it...

She has mastered pulling herself up in the pack n play so I had to take the top part out and she's 3 feet deep in that thing for now.

She didn't really crawl, but she somehow managed to contort herself over to Grandpa. Not surprised. He's like her favorite person.

I caved and we're supplementing with formula for when I go out and possibly when I go back to work. And THIS you guys I should have seen coming...the past week I have been really crampy but only at night. My letdown has been weird at night. My appetite has decreased A LOT. Then I realized, after Ava passes out, she's basically night weaned. Sometimes she'll wake up but most of the time she can comfort herself back to sleep or use the paci and if she does want to nurse it's for 10 seconds and she pops off and rolls over back to sleep. Yesterday we walked all around Disney and I spotted like a little. Not even anything on the pantyliner. So imagine my surprise when today I bled through my pants....while on a date.


A date. A second date, in fact.

But maybe I should back up here...

Might have been a few weeks ago that I decided amongst this whole radical life change deal that I would have some free time to try and date. Key word being try. So even though I never had luck with it before, I went back to online dating because my friend had been meeting some cool dudes that way.

Back to the future...and I'll maybe write more on this subject later, I'm going out with this guy for a second time after our initial meeting which was awkward as fuh for me. I was so nervous I was basically mute. Not at all myself. So I'm SO pumped that 1. we're going to go do something really fun that I think I'll feel more comfortable with and 2. I actually liked him and he liked me enough to go out again. So I'm thinking based off the day before, I'll just be SUPER extra safe and use a super sport tampon since I planned on being gone for 5ish hours. We get to where we're going and I whoop his ass on the go-karts. Right after, I go to the bathroom and I have soaked my underwear and it's like...all in the crotch of my pants but not where you can see while I'm walking. WTF do I do? There's no paper towels. I'm wondering how in the hell is this happening, did having a kid make it easy for this stuff to escape? Is it just everything below the tampon itself coming out? I resolve to call the park since there were girls working at the desk and one of them brings me this itty bitty junior tampon. I take off my pants in the handicap stall, wash out the blood mostly, dry them under the hand dryer, throw away my underwear, but that doesn't solve the problem of what to do from there so I had to text him and tell him what happened. I'm wondering what the hell I ever did to anyone to deserve this. He talks the people into giving us vouchers to come back, so we run to Walmart and I tell him to chill in the front because I don't want him tagging along lol but that's what he did. I had to buy pants...underwear...and super duper pads. And he tried to hold my hand which was a big fuck no with me because I felt so disgusting. I change in the bathroom and not a second too soon. I've soaked through both tampons and they're leaking onto the TP in my pants. Ugh. I get that situated, we grab some food, and head back where we proceed to have fun. And in the end, he asked if I wanted to hang out 2 days from then which I declined because 1st Mother's Day and all so he said he'd hit me up later which he did. So part of me is pretty excited he seems like a decent dude, and the other half of me feels like I'm blowing it in the physical affection department which is weird, because once I'm really with someone, you have to pry me off with a crowbar sometimes.

Anyway, that is the most mortifying thing that's ever happened to me, and I sit here, honestly bleeding more than when Ava was first born but at least the cramps don't seem as bad as they used to be.