Monday, August 18, 2014

Pregnancy Update #8 5w4d-5w6d

  • I learned last night that nothing I eat will taste good minus...guess what...a pickle, and ice cream. The only things that tasted quasi-normal and good. Oh yeah, and Chipotle, the food of gods. Everything else that I usually love? Shite. Total Shite. I can taste all these weird flavors in stuff I couldn't before and it's messing up my groove! Why does a chicken quesadilla taste like barbq? Nothing in the fridge looks good, nothing at the store looks good.
  • I don't know if I feel better or worse. Boob pain? Worse. Fatigue? Might be a little better. Weird stomach issues? Definitely worse.
  • It's only day 37 in my cycle but it's so crazy how all this stuff is happening! Usually I'm still waiting to freakin' ovulate. Is this what it's like to be semi-normal? Woah.
  • Starting school again. This will be interesting. I never visualized myself pregnant and taking chemistry. For the record, I suck balls at chemistry. The ONLY and I mean ONLY reason I passed in high school was because I went to a school for high achievers and my teacher believed in the curve, hence, all the super geniuses dragged my ass to passing. The only thing that scares me more than this semester is next semester. Yeah buddy, due during finals.
  • And so it goes, my midwife charges $5k. Ok, not so bad except that $500 is due for deposit. Guess who's appointment is the day before payday....MINE! I mean, what are we even gonna do at 6 weeks? Not like she does ultrasound, not like the doppler will pick up anything. I'm gonna POAS? Then I have to pay someone else to verify my insurance benefits which is a valuable resource but why the hell does every doula, midwife, and anything associated with natural birth give discounts to JUST military, or medicaid peoples. I used to be a military wife! Don't I get a pain and suffering discount? OR hey, the fact that I actually had the forethought to be like, you know what? I need a job with health insurance, lemme get some of that BEFORE I get pregnant after I pay a gazillion dollars to get pregnant which by the way, I'm paying ON MY OWN. Had to put First name: Sperm and Last name: Donor on my portal as my baby daddy. Where the fuck is my discount? Oh well. I've never been a big proponent of life should be fair.
  • Still no bump or bloating but holy hell, my boobs are huge. They were already huge to begin with. I'm now starting to explode out of my bras so I went to Babies R Us today and they had some Medela nursing bras....they were all too small, YES, even the extra large. What am I supposed to do!? Ugh!
  • My butt reaaaallly hurts. It stings all down my thigh. No more real issues with itching or lumps but the sensitivity!
  • Week 5 definitely went faster than Week 4.

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Pregnancy Update #7 - 5w0d-5w3d

  • Lost another pound, yay mommy hormones! 
  • My boobs do feel like they're about to fall off. My actual chest muscles are sore from holding them up.
  • I don't have nausea or vomiting, but I do have acid reflux 24/7. I burp (and sometimes things come up) when I don't eat, and I burp after starting to eat. I don't know what I want to eat. I can't find anything I like and when I do, I want something else. And the whole sour candy thing helps that I was looking forward to? Lie. 
  • I really want soup. And spicy food still. 
  • I called my insurance company to get my homebirth approved! Surprisingly enough, they actually have a process for this. They were very informed on the laws and such and I wanted to kiss the guy on the phone when he said "Ya know, in low-risk situations, homebirth is actually the safest." Love that man, whoever he is. In 7-10 days I should get a packet to fill out and then some stuff for my midwife to fill out and hopefully we are approved. He said the biggest hang up is whether I'm what they deem low risk or not. For example, no VBACs, no over 35, no twins, no previous history of pregnancy complications, etc.
  •  I called the midwife and got an appointment next Thursday right before my ultrasound.
  • Other things on my list of to do's...get a teeth cleaning. And this time I get to say no xrays!
  • My ass cheeks feel like they have road rash but the bruises and itchiness are clearing up. 
  • The fatigue has taken root in my body. It's more like I'm sore, my legs are getting sore, my feet are getting sore, etc and I don't even walk that much anymore at work. And I'm getting all these fucking weird pains in my pelvis and thighs. Like they catch my breath and I have to stop what I'm doing. 
  • Work is crazy but it's almost the end of my last week doing 6 days. Yesterday was like...a bad juju vibe day: 4 fights, 4 runaways, craziness up the butt, and we were just behind. But I got out of there on time and that's all that matters because I was hungry! The stress though, it's not so physically demanding but since I got pregnant, I really am more protective of MY space. At the same time, I sware it's like I'm putting off a scent and some of the kids want to be around me 24/7 and it's driving me nuts! And then I think they feel that guard being up and that pisses them off a bit because they don't get why. I'm sure they'd understand if I told them but I can't and I wouldn't want to because on any random bad day they had, I'd start hearing how they hope my baby dies or there's something wrong with it, because these kids, that's just their thing, self-preservation, "kill" whatever's bothering you in the most effective manner and do it quick. So I just sit there, count down the hours, and pray that I'm pulling enough weight for my coworkers to not hate me. 
  • I do feel a little twinge of sadness being single but then I see posts like "My baby daddy left me" NOT ME! "The random hookup I got pregnant by wants to be together" NOT ME! "My husband told me it's abortion or divorce" NOT ME! "My boyfriend now thinks it's not his" NOT ME! So I'm ever thankful I don't have to deal with that bullshit. 
  • I'm also still terrified of my ultrasound. Everytime the symptoms let up, or I get those weird pains, I'm terrified something is wrong with the baby. I'm terrified that there isn't a baby at all. I'm terrified of my emotions if something bad does happen. It's all scary stuff. 

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Pregnancy Update #6 - 4w6d

Today is my last day of being four weeks and I am sad because this is just one of many milestone that is passing and I'm never going to get this week back :(. The hormones make me such a sap.

I have so much stuff to do today and no motivation to do it. Ugh.

Everything is still the same as yesterday and the day before and the day before, no bloating so not even a hint of a bump. Still growing in reverse. I'm not so nauseous as not hungry. I have to consciously decide to eat. Again, spending energy to cook and eat has now become a trade off. Today, I made this weird combo of pouch salmon, romaine/spinach, avocado, and balsamic and italian dressing mixed together. It reminds me of sushi but I'm sitting here asking myself what the hell am I eating?

Also, I cleaned today. Nesting? This early!? I'm not a clean-y type of person so yeah, this is new. On my day off at that.

And my first batch of baby junk came in the mail! I'm 99% scheduling my 8 week appt. with my ob triggered it, because everyone I know who's been pregnant recently got the same stuff. Still, this is exciting and every little thing gets me worked up because...they matter. The little things matter.

Monday, August 11, 2014

Pregnancy Update #5 - 4w5d

Beta #3 came back and STILL pregnant. 169. About the same doubling time as last time so the clinic still thinks it's good. Because it is on the low side, instead of coming in a week after my 3rd beta for an u/s, we are doing it a week and 4 days later so the 22nd.

I have a REAL ultrasound appointment!


Of course I'm going to go insane with worry until then! But I'm feeling really good and at peace. Symptoms are still the same as yesterday. I really like salty stuff and that worries me because I don't want pre-eclampsia or anything but I love soup/broth/bouillon whatever you want to call it. All I want is soup and veggies. Chicken noodle soup without the noodles.

I am so tired I can't even finish writing this. Tomorrow is my last day of being four weeks.


Sunday, August 10, 2014

Pregnancy Update #4 - 4w4d

So as I was saying yesterday, pregnancy symptoms. They seem to be less in the morning and late at night. Still terrified. Still anxious for beta #3 results.

Now after a coworker's going away party sans me drinking, more people know. Everyone has been so good and happy and excited and it's wonderful!

Ugh these weird pains and cramps though! It makes me nervous!

I POAS today with a $cheapie. Not same brand as $tree but kinda the same and it was mucho darker than the last one I took.

And I'm still hungry but can never figure out what the kid wants to eat lol. So far, I like spicy stuff. And really simple stuff. That made NO sense. Ok for starters, I hate carbs. I don't want carbs. On the off chance I eat them, I feel like crap. I'm turned off by anything that tastes remotely chemical; I can't smell better but I can taste better. No hot dogs, candy, velveeta....good bye, my loves. I like really pure and simple things: jalapenos, chicken broth, ok, that's really all I've liked so far. It has to be "clean" eating for me to like it because if not, I just want to spit it out. I guess that's a blessing in disguise. I can go to Chipotle and Panera and eat homemade food like steamed veggies, baked chicken, chili (which I dump chili powder into) but I have not touched fast food since my BFP. I don't really do a lot of processed sugar, either. I'll drink fruit smoothies but I don't want cookies or snack cakes or donuts or whatevers. I really need to go shopping. Nothing has really made me go OMG I LOVE this like said chicken broth.

Still no morning sickness but I cough, poop, and burp a lot more than I used to. Let's not forget pee.

Today, I bought more cocoa butter, and belly butter, and I am slathering myself daily. I am super smooth, that's for sure. I also bought a shirt that I'm hoping will be maternity appropriate and then 4 camis in black, white, gray, and tan to make belly bands out of. $3 each and 4 for $12 is a lot less than $16 for one at Target. It's so damn hot here I can't wear jeans. The AC went out at work today, too! It was 90 in that concrete building. I was wearing jeans. We all ate popsicles. I also bought the baby a Halloween costume or as it will probably turn out, an everyday romper. It's a skeleton, of course.

Saturday, August 9, 2014

Pregnancy Update #3 - 4w3d

This is how breakfast goes:

Hey! That looks ok to eat! *Puts it in mouth* After one taste:, I do not want this.

For the record, I haven't had anything I'd consider "morning sickness". There are times where I feel a split second of nausea u and then get excited that it might be starting and then it immediately disappears. I do have acid reflux but I've had that before pregnancy, especially since being on the estrace so. Speaking of which, I just threw up a teaspoon of whatever in my mouth.

Another new development is I can feel my uterus...or I can feel everything in front of it lol. I can feel it after I empty my bladder and it's right above my pubic bone so it's not a bump I repeat it is not a bump. Normally, my uterus tilts backwards so it's exciting to feel it for once? Lol.

Speaking of bumps, I really need to take a bump pic for 4 weeks! And an outfit to do it in. I think I'll wait till the end of this week to do it.

I'm really excited about this pregnancy because I feel like...maybe it's resetting my body. Maybe I'll go back to looking like I used to (with a lot more stretchmarks). I want to be healthy for this baby, I know what it's like to have sick parents who can't do anything with you.

Oh, and I'm not imagining the skinniness. It's more obvious today in my stomach and I lost two pounds. I sware I am eating, I keep a log. I'm eating healthier and more frequently, even if it's tiny snacks like a fruit or some milk or whatever.

I think I also need to invest in a mattress pad and body pillow. Sleep is...uncomfortable but I'm not sure how.

One realization I came to is that I am scared shitless because my symptoms are feeling a little less today and then I hadn't realized this before but with my CP, I was due April 10th. Now I'm due April 15th. I would really like for the cycle not to repeat. There's nothing I can really do but sit back and wait until Monday and just enjoy what I an for now.