Tuesday, June 23, 2015

27 Weeks

I'm working on the shower post, I promise.

My hand is getting worse and worse. It's also catching to my left hand, which makes "nesting" really hard to do. The other day at work, I made the mistake of looking down at my feet. Not. Pretty. I still haven't taken my gd screening but 5 hours after eating a piece of cake, my blood sugar was 68. I guess that's a good sign? One of my coworkers is like totally insulin dependent and holy shit, his numbers get so high! 200s, 300s, and nothing to eat in hours, it's crazy. I make him check it because I think he has given himself too much insulin and needs to eat but it usually ends up being the opposite, that he needs more. And then I feel silly.

Speaking of work, I am enjoying my new schedule. I feel less tired overall now but still like my sleep. The past weekend was crazy due to my shower but I stayed awake for more hours on average.

Oh yeah, and then morning sickness came back. I puked for a couple days. I've noticed a pattern: if I'm ravenously hungry, I have more energy. If I don't feel like eating at all, I'm exhausted. But sometimes I don't eat because I'm sleeping 15 hours a day, so I'm not sure what triggers what. It's about a 3 day cycle.

I'm really excited about being in the home stretch and I have PUHLENTY to do. My sister is the freaking greatest, she gave me a shit ton of cloth diapers, and a shit ton of hemp inserts and doublers and they are NOT cheap. She did admit to me that the microfiber ones don't absorb as much anyway so I don't feel guilty about not using them, trying to stick to natural materials here! Oh yeah, and some had stains, some pretty bad, so it was the perfect opportunity to see if sunning really works. Oh my god, it does. I'm still so surprised even though I live in the sunshine state. I didn't take a pic but the worst ones were on par with these:

Yeah and now most of them look brand new. I have been stuffing diapers, and doing laundry, and organizing clothes like nobody's business. I feel super domestic and 1950s house-wifeish.

Also this stuff is my new best friend: it's low in calories and sugar, but it isn't water. If it was on Amazon, I'd buy it by the case. So. Good.

Sunday, June 21, 2015

My Baby Shower

Feel free to skip over this first part

So normally I do not post RL drama here. But this is pretty relevant so...

One of my "best friends" offered to throw me a shower. She has been talking about this since....pretty much forever. I've been TTC pretty much forever, so this was not like a spur of the moment thing. I even tried to talk her out of it. A little BG: my friend is 23, has graduated 2 medical degree programs,but still works at Starbucks, but hey, she makes what I do plus tips. She also has 3 kids, 2 step-, 1 bio- so there is child support to be paid. She lives with her husband who works 2 jobs, in a house they rent for cheaper than normal because he works for the owner, or did, but she passed away recently. They also receive Medicaid, Food Stamps, and WIC. This is just my personal opinion, but how the fuck are you going to throw someone a shower if you have other pressing matters that you can't afford, and I'm not saying it's a bad thing if you can't afford it...just that your priority should be feeding your family before a friend's shower. I'm not trying to say I'm better and I'm certainly not more well-off than she, because I qualify for all that stuff too. But I can afford health insurance, so I buy my own. I can afford all the food I need, so I buy my own. It's my own personal principle. But whatever, I am betting she either a. had no idea how much showers can cost or b. knew and figured her mother would help her out, but I'm only guessing that didn't pan out. Plus, she obviously is busy. Like, really busy. 

This is as far as the planning got. She asked me what I would like, I said rainbows, this is my rainbow baby. That's not girly enough, so several people complained to me when I shared my desire for a rainbow theme, so I changed it to mermaids. I made a pinterest board with some ideas and shared it with her. She made one of her own as well. Three times she would ask if I'm busy some certain day, I'd say no, but in the end for whatever reason or another we did not hang out to discuss the shower. Not on my part though, I had cleared out my schedule each of those three times. So the last time I wait at her work for an hour, offer to take her out to dinner so we can finally get some damn time to talk, and I'll spare you the details here, but that didn't work out either. She knew I was mad and apologized, but I didn't talk to her for a few days because I know I'm hormonal and I don't want to say something I can't take back but eventually I warmed back up and then I had that whole premature labor scare thing so she drives me to the hospital, because she has volunteered to be my ride when it's go-time. 

Because I'm inviting people from out of town, I have to nail down a date that works for everyone, so I text it to her, the 20th. That's fine and dandy. June 4th I send her a text asking if she invited her mom and grandma, because I've been close to their family for over 10 years now. I never get a response back. I'm 99% sure she's not dead, because facebook, and because a few days after that her husband was at his job in my neighborhood, saw my car, and blew up my phone for about an hour while I was trying to sleep, and then texts me to come outside. I think hey, maybe they are going to surprise me with all the shower stuff they might have done. Nope. He just wants to wave at me. That's just his personality so I'm not really annoyed or surprised, preggo me is annoyed though. I'm tired. 

And I never hear from her again, to this day. Which is funny, because she was listed as the RSVP person. SO either nobody RSVP'ed and she didn't actually know when and where to go, or she just sat back and didn't give a fuck. But she knew it was the 20th, and never bothered to ask. Or talk to me. About anything. And that's what makes me mad. I don't care if she couldn't have afforded it, I care that I had no mental fucking support. That all leads me to...

My shower ended up being nothing like what I had imagined. Not a bad thing. So the theme was mermaids/under the sea/beachy and we ended up having it at Olive Garden. IMO, the service sucked but nobody seemed to care. I didn't have to cook or clean, and the bill was surprisingly low. Like way low. Most of my decorations were a $1 a piece: table cloths, streamers, flowers, balloons, shells, gems, fish netting, etc. My favors were candy bags of sour gummy worms, octopi, swedish fish, gummy sharks, etc. And rock candy, because I'm a pinterest whore. I got the tiniest cake at Publix, it was supposed to be ruffles like waves, but I got petals aka "fish scales". I made 3 sets of prizes for the games with burlap and ribbon and mason jars and chalkboard stickers. One was a bar in a jar filled with all kinds of mini liquor bottles, one was a pedi in a jar, the other a spa. Everybody liked them.

My sister, who is perpetually late, was supposed to leave my house at 11:30 to set up, because the shower was at 12. She didn't leave till 11:50 and I wasn't even there until 12:15 so I was stressed like a bride before her wedding. But she set everything up perfectly and in the end, all was good. I was also kind of stressed about how much the food would cost, because I pretty much invited everyone from work, but only people I hung out with outside of work plus family showed up so I was pretty okay with that. 

Even though only 2 people shopped off my registry, I'm pretty damn surprised I didn't get a changing pad or a baby bathtub. I'm also pleasantly surprised that nobody got me disposable diapers, I only told a few people I was using cloth. I got the cosleeper I wanted, wipes, some bottles, a high-chair/buggy cover, a swing, pack and play, activity mat, more wipes lol, so many clothes, swaddlers, blankets, high chair, breast pump, cloth diapers, teethers, toys, and money/gift cards. My room was filled to the brim when I got home and I'm still sorting through it all. 

If I could do it over again, I would have called out because I was so tired and getting uncomfortable sitting in a hard chair for 4 hours lol. Other than that, everyone seemed to have a good time and thought it was nice. Oh, and I'm really glad I did it as soon as I did because I still have quite a few things to buy before she's here and I'm super exhausted. 

My niece and I 

The "guestbook" and yes,that is Ariel lol
A good friend and I

The table with the decorations before it got destroyed by mess

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

26 Weeks

Ava now moves constantly. CONSTANTLY. We are going from kicks to jabs and rolls and squirms and all kinds of craziness. She kicks so hard she makes my tummy jiggle like a waterbed. I also felt her outline this morning, she does not seem as little as other 26 weekers, at least from what I can tell in preemie pics. Yep, her little back and butt feel wider than I expected.

My fingers are SWOLLEN. I can see the blood pool in my fingers on my right hand, like I constantly have rubber bands on them or something. I'm so aggravated that I'm switching to using my left hand, yep, even for writing which I so a lot of at work. It is getting hotter so my feet are also getting bigger.

No weight gain, probably because I do not eat much. Last week or so I was ravenously hungry and this week, bleh. Nausea is returning. The thought of my favorite pizza made me want to gag. And then I sleep all the time. I have about 9 hours in the day for energy and that's it. Sunday I woke up at 4 pm for work, passed out by 1 am when I was off. I woke up around 7 am, ran some errands, passed back out by 4 pm, woke up at 10 pm, went back to bed at 1 am, woke up at 6 am and laid in bed until 11 am, then went back to sleep in and out until midnight. Yep. That doesn't leave much time for eating. I had a weird craving for toast and jelly, but went back to sleep. Then I thought about making a big pot of mac n cheese with avocado on top....that didn't happen. So all I've eaten in 24 hours is a 90 calorie cheese stick, a 160 calorie cup of yogurt, 100 calories half of a small banana and a pack of raisins, and maybe 300ish calories of boost. The day before that I managed a small bowl of homemade chicken noodle soup, and a nonfat nonsweetened green tea latte. And the day before that, half a big mac, half a medium fry, but all my chocolate shake. If it isn't almost liquid, it requires too much effort to eat.

My shower is in 3 days! After a near mental breakdown from the stress of trying to do everything myself on no energy, and a limited budget, it is all figured out. Smooth sailing from here on! *knocking on wood*

Thursday, June 11, 2015

25 Weeks

Lately I feel more like a pregnant human and not a human with a fatal disease.

Yesterday some friends and I went to the lovely Rock Springs for some lazy river style tubing and I think keeping my feet up in cool water for hours was definitely for the best.

So besides the whole carpal tunnel thing, I'm also moving into insomnia land. I lay down, A LOT, but don't nap frequently. And when I try to go to bed sometimes, I wake up 2 or 3 hours later and can't go back to sleep. My appetite is kindof slacking too, probably compounded by the fact that I highly doubt I have much room left in my stomach.

And is it just me, or am I growing more up than out? I feel there's no more discernible space between the boobs and the belly.

Saturday, June 6, 2015

24.5 Weeks

It's 5 in the morning and nope, I'm not at work. I'm hot, hungry, and I think I might cut off my arm before these 9 months are over. This carpal tunnel shit is no fun. I got a brace, and that helps, but my forearm and down has been numb and tingling ALL DAY! Not one moment where it has felt normal. The brace at least lets me get some sleep.

Another task(s) complete! I had this really big, heavy, wooden twin bed disassembled in my room and it's sold! So it's out of my house. BUT....I have mold. Yep. Mold on my walls. My room is easily the shittiest room in the house, hottest in summer, coldest in winter, and humid. The window ledge is constantly soaked from morning condensation, and then I was on a humidifier kick for a good three months and with all the shit piled up, I guess circulation was not happening.

In shower news, I got my dress, the prizes, games, some decorations, etc. I did not expect to be throwing it myself but I essentially am, to the point that my "best friend: basically has no idea what's going on and hasn't done a fucking thing. Like really, I haven't even got a single opinion on anything. We have not went shopping, or even talked about it. That leads me to getting it catered because I will not be getting off until 6 am the morning of my shower and there is NO PLACE to make all the food and store it and yeah, it's just more stress on me. So honestly, I'll drop the $$$ because either way, I'll have to buy food and then serving stuff. So...

I'm a little less scared about the GD test since my fasting blood sugar is 79, woo!

But yeah, if I don't update for a while, it's because of my hands. 

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

24 Weeks

Nursery Update: Finally got 1 out of 2 new dressers, which means getting some junk out, and I felt loads better putting up her clothes that she has now. That, and I'm just about ready to order some pictures and hang up all the stuffs. It's really starting to come together...at least I hope so. I feel like I'm just throwing stuff together and hoping it works.

My weight got up to 170 almost overnight but it's really just apparent in my hands, ankles, feet, legs, etc. Back to water weight I guess. I've started taking epsom salt baths and extra magnesium and it helps make the swelling go down, it also helps the number on the scale go down throughout the day, so I don't think it's "real" weight. My feet are starting to look and feel pathetic. And ugly. I guess that's what walking around Disney for 6 hours in 90 degree heat gets you.

Along with the swelling, my arms are always falling asleep! And it's waking me up. And they feel dead for hours. Specifically my right one so maybe it's carpal tunnel?

I think my hair is FINALLY starting to grow again!

My appointment went really well, the GD test is in 2 weeks. My fundal height measures 2 weeks ahead, and my ob gave me her labor philosophy and it went like this *not verbatim*: "I don't give a fuck what you want to do, so long as you and baby look ok. I'm not really going to be there too much anyway." So yay to squatting, and laboring in the tub, etc.

Speaking of labor, I'm thinking of investing in the hypnobabies home study course but I'm not 100% sure yet. I'm definitely not expecting a pain free birth or even hoping for one, but I'd hope it would just add to what I already know how to do. Dealing with excruciating cramps for the past 10 years HAS to come in handy. And the last miscarriage, ugh. That sucked at the time but it was quick. This is my list of the most painful shit I have ever felt in my life:

1. My HSG
2. My cervical biopsy
3. The 2nd miscarriage...
4. followed closely by my cramps...
5. ...which is almost tied with the night I had explosive diarrhea
6. Back piercings
7. Tattoos
8. The time I got a staph infection lanced open

Anything below 2 and down I think I can handle again. 6 and down are things that are really no big deal but people think they are.

So that's my spiel. Also, this week has seemed like the longest so far, I hope it doesn't stay that way.

Thursday, May 28, 2015

23 Weeks

I totally failed last night and bought all the junk. As I was walking around the store, I swear I felt like I was having a sugar crash. So yeah, bad choices were made. Supposedly the baby is supposed to put on 4 oz this week vs the whole pound she has taken 22 weeks to gain so maaaaybe that's it.

I'm actually considering NOT buying a crib at all. I can't find one I'm sold on, and nobody I know has used theirs. I might get a little portable bassinet or something. So yay for not spending $200 and then that also means no crib mattress, sheets, or waterproof covers.

Something really cool happened! I have been waiting and waiting and waiting and she finally did it! I was laying down during her play time (which is pretty much all the time lately, I swear) and she was kicking per usual so I pressed on the top right corner of my bump and she kicked me, so I moved to the left and she did it again. We went around all the corners and man, it was just an awesome feeling to actually interact with her.

Sleeping has actually been more comfortable...when I can get it. Heartburn = insomnia. Also, I stooped really low and iced my lady bits. I thought I might be getting a yeast infection after that heavy round of antibiotics but now I'm thinking it's just cheeseburger crotch. That, and sex super fucking hurts. I can't even believe I'm saying that. BUT IT WAS TERRIBLE! Pregnancy is now ruining the one thing that was still good and made me feel normal. Thanks!

Almost done with the second trimester annnnd I'm hoping the third will be the charm lol.