Tuesday, September 1, 2015

37 Weeks

I would not be surprised if she's coming soon.

I feel WEIRD! And nauseous.

So today I had my appointment and I'm dilated more than last time but not quite 1 cm. Not effaced. It's supposed to go the other way around! Why EPO, why!?!?!? But it feels like I have a rubber band around my hips and the area is sore, along with pressure in my butt and my pubic bone. I mean, I get a lot of signs and symptoms, but never consistently. Today it's consistent.

THEN as soon as I got home I felt exhausted, just like yesterday. I don't know what's going on but it's like I can get to that point right before falling asleep but it never actually happens, and I go through this for hours and hours. And I hallucinate. Yep. One day at work before I left, I saw big bugs crawling on the wall. They were obviously not real, they kinda looked cgi-animated like in movies and as soon as I shook my head and blinked they were gone. Sunday, I was hearing things while trying to sleep, like someone was cleaning the bathroom, thumping and spraying scrubbing bubbles in the tub. Today, I was feeling things. I went to go pee and hallucinated that my water broke. When I finally fell asleep, I dreamt my water broke.

I'm so ready for her to be here it almost hurts. It's like I miss her, and it makes me want to cry. I feel like...when I see her for the first time, I'll know her, like I've always known her.

Then again, I would not be surprised if she doesn't come till wayyy later. 

Monday, August 31, 2015

More on Moon Theory

Along with my hopes and dreams, the hurricane is dead :(.

But hey, according to the weather channel, it's still a disorganized system of low pressure and it is covering almost the whole state, so there's still hope.

Also, when I had my premonition of the moon, I felt I would specifically *see* a big full moon around her birth. I looked for that moon ALL night! And behind the clouds it stayed...sigh. Last night it still wasn't visible either. I went home very disappointed.

I've started to do some research, they say your labor mimics your mom's, aunt's, sister's, etc. so I wanted to see if there was any correlation to the births in my family.

Turns out my niece was NOT born on a full moon...at all. Why my sister lied, I don't know. It's been 5 years so maybe she forgot but...still. But here's what I found!

My mom's first baby (Sister B):

Waning crescent
Visible: 4% ↓
Age: 28 days

Sister B's first baby:

Waning crescent
Visible: 7% ↓
Age: 27 days

My mom's second baby (me):

First quarter
Visible: 61% ↑
Age: 8 days

Sister B's second baby:
Waxing gibbous
Visible: 88% ↑
Age: 11 days

Sister A's (my dad's daughter) first baby:

First quarter
Visible: 66% ↑
Age: 9 days

Sister A's second baby:

First quarter
Visible: 61% ↑
Age: 8 days

So apparently there are trends. If I go like my maternal side, she'll be here around September 11th, if I go like my paternal side, then around my due date, or I could just be a rebel and start my own thing.

Saturday, August 29, 2015

36.5 Weeks

Even after infertility, pregnancy is not always happy.

Maybe I'll feel differently tomorrow or next week, but I am simply done. It's not the constant peeing, or heartburn, or aching hands. Not even the false contractions. I just feel like death, like I have nothing left to give. I feel so....heavy, almost like the first trimester. I don't feel like myself, I have no motivation to do anything. 

I'm especially done with working, but there's no time off until she gets here, so I'm stuck in misery until then. I seriously dread going in every night and sit in my car for five minutes working up the mental fortitude to turn the key and drive.

I'm definitely buying into this super moon/ hurricane thing. I will be thrilled to go into labor as soon as I get a decent nap (because lately I am exhausted no matter what I do) because it will align with everyone's predictions and because I had told my sister I saw a sign that made me feel she'd come with the moon before I knew about the folklore and the hurricane; she then told me my niece was born on a full moon, so it happens.

Last week, when I thought my water broke, I started crying because I was not ready, I didn't think SHE was ready. I saw a future of fighting interventions, failed augmentation, intubation/feeding tubes in the NICU, etc. Let me tell you, NOW I am ready, as ready as I'll ever be. Oddly enough, and I don't know how she did it, but she stuck herself about two inches out farther than normal and I could feel her whole outline minus her head. I don't know how much she weighs, but I can almost guarantee she is in the running for the WNBA. And I can feel her practice breathing and hiccuping much more often. I have no way of knowing if she's ready but I feel a lot more confident that if she came tomorrow, she'd be OK. Some random lady told me she could tell she would be like me, a strong woman. This chick doesn't know me from Adam or my story, but it felt good to hear that I'm putting out that vibe. 

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

36 Weeks - I was that chick...

...who thought her water broke.

But all evidence pointed to the contrary.

Around last Monday night, I started having watery thin discharge, to the point I was just playing on my phone one night, and all of the sudden, it just spilled out and ran down my butt crack. It smelt like nothing and didn't happen again, so I went to sleep. Tuesday night, there was more of it but it wasn't coming out freely, so I asked my sister to describe a slow leak and it didn't seem to fit the bill so I went to sleep again. Wednesday night, I go to work, and as I'm just sitting having a casual conversation with a coworker, I feel wet. I look down and there's a big wet spot on my jeans. I go to the bathroom and my underwear are thoroughly saturated, but not sopping. Wipe, it's clear. Maybe I peed myself. Go pee, wipe, it's bright yellow. OK. Not pee. I walk around an hour and feel more wet so I drive to the hospital where they run an amnisure, it's negative. They don't check me, which is OK, the on call doc is creepy. They tell me to come back if I need a pad to avoid wetting my pants...like duh, that's why I came. I drive home still feeling wetter, and I decide to call my doctor in the morning. I Google like crazy until then. Apparently effacement can cause water loss from the cervix itself, I think perhaps the epo and rrl tea and crazy fake labor are doing something.

I go to the Dr., she just swabs me for infection and sends me to get my fluid levels checked, which are normal. But my cervix is super long at 4.5+ cm, and super closed, so I'm now wondering what the hell I was leaking, and why or HOW all the craziness the past few weeks isn't doing anything. I definitely did lose my plug though.

Nothing really happens until then. No bad back pain, no noticeable braxton hicks, cramps, etc. My colon is even taking a break from the constant diarrhea.

THIS Monday was my regular 36 week appointment and I'm half a cm dilated. Yay! But what the hell? The only thing I can think of is that she is more engaged, and simply heavier. It seems like she'll drop down, then have a growth spurt, grow up into my ribs, and drop back down again heavier than before. My nurse did say she feels like she'll be a good sized baby. Also, that whole measuring ahead thing is apparently not due to excess fluid.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

35 Weeks

Everyone's water is breaking and having contractions and I'm over here like... -.-

Not that I want her to come tomorrow or anything, and even so I have like NO newborn sized anything, it's all 0-3 months and up. I was always pretty hell bent on going late and that it was what I wanted, the most time to bake a baby...Now...I get it. I do. FUCK this shit. Nobody wants a preemie and I only want her to come when ready, but I'll be damned if I deny my desire that human gestation took a little less time. I'm just too excited! For all the things. And I'm honestly scared out of my mind, but it is going to happen eventually, so might as well literally cut the cord and get it over with. Also, my work buddy is back from his paternity leave and I am so fucking jealous. This baby is not even a month old and she has changed so radically that I know my baby will too be growing up from the day she gets here. Sad...

Nesting...it's not happening, except at work, which doesn't really help me at all.

I have a long list of things to do and haven't done any of them.

Oddly enough, all my prelabor signs kind of vanished, except losing a tiny bit of plug here and there. Even my bowels have slowed down. The heck? At least life is a liiittle bit more comfortable. I will say that I have a bit more colostrum coming out which is easier to express and my areolas are a tad darker but other than that, I feel just as fine as I did at 32 weeks or so.

Friday, August 14, 2015

34.5 Weeks

I will spare you the epic tale of HOW it happened, but I lost my mucus plug! At least part of it, a decent chunk.

EPO smells like chicken fat.

My ankles have returned to their normal size and in doing so I'm back down to 176 lbs. 

The same night I lost my plug, my mom had a dream I went into labor. She also has the psychic dreams so yeah, I definitely believe it will be soon. 

Anyway, I have more lower back pain lately and when I'm sleeping, it's like pubic bone pressure and hip pain, but I HAVE been sleeping at least. Back to all day, and it's glorious because it makes the time go faster.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

34 Weeks

I'm really starting to feel it.

Overnight my ankles just kaboomed and my hips started popping and feeling weird. And I can't sleep. At least not for longer than 2 hours at a time. Not because of pain, or peeing, or anything else that would make sense. I'm physically tired, but mentally wide awake. Pregosomnia. And last week was full of faux-labor bullshit. Every other day, at night, from one to seven hours, I start the labor games. Braxton Hicks which aren't bad, lower back pain, mild period cramps (at least to me), pressure on my bladder/pubic bone, pressure in my butt, diarrhea, yeah. Oh, and nothing helps. Not sitting, or drinking water, or a shower/bath.

I will say it's really not painful, and if labor turns out to be the same,  it's a cakewalk. But mentally, it's just so distressing. Like I said, not really painful but all the sensation takes over my mind, I can't focus on anything else, and I start making weird faces and grimacing. Then there's knowing at any point it could turn into full blown labor, or will stop, so it makes figuring out what to do hard.

So basically when anyone sees me, or I tell them this, I'm automatically close and getting ready. But! I have no vagina pressure and that apparently overrides everything and suddenly I'm not close. But I'll "just know" when it's time....uhhh...

Back in the hay days of thinking I was having a homebirth or waiting really long to go to the hospital, that was all fine. Now that I need antibiotics, I'm afraid I won't know I'm in early labor. I'm just a first time mom, I've never done this before, and frankly, I don't know what the fuck my body is doing.

Next week starts weekly ob visits and my first real check. Today I measured 38 weeks even though I can fit my fist between the top of my bump and where she was.

So we have three votes for at or before 37 weeks, one for no more than 38, and my ob is throwing her bet into the pot after my check.

Kaboom. Yes, that IS a hello Kitty tattoo.