Tuesday, March 3, 2015

11 Weeks

"You'll feel better by the end of the first trimester" my ass. I am dead tired. My morning sickness is as worse as it's ever been and I'm still exhausted. Sometimes I have a hard time eating. Like I don't/can't eat. And then when I do, it's small portions. Lovely. At the same time, I'm craving candy. Jelly beans specifically. It's about the only thing that doesn't make me sick. I threw away food from one of my favorite places yesterday. It was like committing the gravest sin, I have sunk so low. I'm sick most of the day, all day. I haven't thrown up but I've came close. I have to use all my mental power not to because my muscles clench so hard you know it's going to be one of those never-ending barfs where you'll bust the capillaries in your eyes and dry heave bile while not being able to breathe and praying for death. Yeah, just eat up that imagery.

I got some stuff knocked off the nursery to-do list, that makes me feel accomplished. I've managed to hold off and still haven't bought anything specifically baby.

Did I mention I really really really really really really really wanna know what this kid is? Still no intuition either way. I know people say if you don't care, you're lying, but I'll say this: I have equally awesome expectations about having a son or a daughter. There. Because I DO care obviously.

And I used to sware to myself that I wouldn't be that crazy lady feeling movements too early but....

I am that lady. And I'd almost bet my life on it that it's not gas.

Gas hurts, gas occurs directly over and under my fundus and on the sides of my uterus along with other places, and I can usually feel it build in my rectum, followed by, you guessed it, a fart. Did I mention it hurts REALLY bad?

Somewhere on the early side of ten weeks I was driving to work and I just felt it. At first, I was like ahhh, that feels nice, like an internal massage of wonderful. But then it took me a second to realize hey! That might be the baby! But no, I'm crazy. Suddenly, the word "quickening" made a whole lot of sense, when before I thought that was a stupid as hell word to describe a feeling. It felt...I wanna say heavenly, like this peace just came over me. Ethereal. Physically, it felt like the baby must have been flipping and like someone was dragging their finger gently on my insides. It happened again that night and I quickly grabbed my doppler. WEIRD sounds people! It sounded like something moving in water (duh) like swimming away so I guess likening it to a goldfish makes sense. Today it happened again, along with what I'm pretty sure were two kicks. Two distinct "pops". The feelings are so gentle, it's hard to really describe. But I love them. The thing about it is, I only seem to feel things when the baby is high up, which right now is about half an inch to an inch under my belly button. Speaking of which, my fundal height HAS to be more than normal at 12 weeks, so I guess this could explain why I feel things early. And oh yeah, I look REALLY big for only 11 weeks. Excuse the crappy Walmart bathroom shot.

I feel it is a more "mature" bump, like the pointy part is higher up than it was before, more like a REAL bump. 

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Pregnancy Update #15 - 10 Weeks

Oops. I forgot to publish my last post.

Anyway, I did get my Doppler and it works! The heart rate is about 180. I couldn't find it last night and had to try three times this morning but I finally found it. The baby can move now so I guess it was hiding. Like I used to do to my mom at stores in the clothes racks, I would have hated me lol.

I am finally losing some of the bloat, I'm not so hungry or nauseous anymore, my hair and nails are finally growing, my face is clearing up and I'm off all meds.

I really haven't gotten that much done yet. OK, pretty much nothing. I did sign up for an honest company trial and got some free stuff but other than that, I got nothing.

Something really scary happened, I woke up convulsing. It didn't hurt, but it freaked me out. Once I really woke up, it stopped, but scary nonetheless.

My next appointment is the 5th and I have no idea what it's for. I think I might get sent out for the NT scan but then again I don't really know.

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Pregnancy Update #14 - 9 1/2 Weeks

NOBODY notices my bump. How do I know? Everyone is so FUCKING rude. I'm always the last to have a chair to sit on in class. People kick my shit constantly. I thought it was just dumb college kids with babies no where near on their mind. But no! It is everyone! I can understand people being too scared to ask because it's really not that obvious but apparently they're too scared to have some common fucking courtesy. I was shopping the other day and people were basically like giving me the stare down as if I was in THEIR way. They'd just push past, no "excuse me" or nothing. And I was looking big since it was right after lunch. Ugh. The only people who notice are people at work and yeah, they see me everyday, and yeah, they KNOW I'm preggo for sure.

I am dying to start running again. My boobs are a little less sore. I'm pretty sure my shin splints HAD to have healed up, and it's ice age fucking cold outside.

My doppler was supposed to be here yesterday but it wasn't and I'm super pissed.

I'm also going to a baby shower today, yes, you heard right! And hopefully it won't be so terrible, though it will be if it's outdoors lol.

And the MOST exciting thing, I had a dream about my baby, except he wasn't a baby, he (yes he) was about 7 months. And oh so smart. He had this shock white blonde hair just like I did in a bowl cut lol. I was teaching him to feed himself, actually I wasn't, and that was the best part. Just hanging back and letting him figure it out. Not worrying about spills or stains or what have you. He couldn't talk too much but he understood what I said. Then he was 1. I know, because he told me "I am one" lol. We were in the kitchen of the house I grew up in and my parents still live and my dad walked through and I told him to say "Hi Grandpa" and he did. Then he was around 18 months, and I know this because he was seriously testing boundaries lol. I actually had to tell him "no".

Monday, February 16, 2015

Pregnancy Update #13 - 9 Weeks

Holy shizzle! Time is starting to go by faster. It feels just like yesterday I was turning 8 weeks.

Raymond Reddington is my new boyfriend and Elizabeth Keen is my new bff. She can also be my side piece, she reminds me a lot of Amber Heard and Cobie Smulders. Thanks to Netflix, I'm obsessed with The Blacklist.

For the new news: morning sickness is definitely in force. Not sure that it's full force, but I'm completely sure that I don't want to know what full force is. As soon as whatever I put in my stomach is done digesting....I'm nauseous. I threw up this morning. Does ginger ale help? No. Crackers? No. Protein? No. Extra B6? No, my prenatals have like a shit ton in them. Sour foods? That just helps create heartburn. I had a bad run in with some sour punch straws aka my favorite candy *cries*. In fact, I went to bed nauseous and I woke up nauseous this morning! I skipped class cuz I figured I could at least sleep through it, but like everyone says, it's "all day" sickness. I could NOT focus in lab, and the cadaver pictures were not helping. Yeah, dead bodies. Great.

The swelling is still going down. Except for the initial overnight bloat, I haven't gained any weight. The OB says 15-25 but no big deal if it's more. I don't know how much weight my sisters gained but my mom gained 5 pounds with her first, who was 7 pounds, probably due to her lovely teenage metabolism. With me, 20, and I was 8 pounds. Damn AMA! Lol.

I've gone really back and forth on what I'm going to buy first. Honestly, there's no room to put anything yet, even the stuff that's supposed to be the place to put things lol. SO I bought a doppler, cuz I'm crazy. But you know, I can justify it as an "investment in my future" since I want to be a midwife LOL.

Food has kindof stopped tasting like dirt. Ok, maybe not, but the stuff that I love just tastes like...idk, I think it must be crack. I got a chocolate milkshake from McDonald's and it tasted like HEAVEN! My dad used to get me one EVERY DAY after preschool until I moved up to handling an ice cream cone in the car sometime around 3rd grade. Yes, I have a problem, and it's called running out of chocolate. Anyway, I thought this was the best McDonald's shake I had ever had in YEARS. They just don't make 'em like they used to but THIS, THIS shake was the shake of my childhood. Today I got a publix sub, which are undoubtedly amazing, but THIS sub was DIVINE! Good stuff tastes good again! It's like my tongue is on ecstasy and I'm in sensory overload.

And the bump...

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Pregnancy Update #12 - 8 1/2 Weeks

Protein: Chocolate + Almond + Coconut Milk Blended Breakfast

JUST when I think my symptoms are gone...they come back with a vengeance. I am hella nauseous throughout the day and I'm suuuper tired. Like trying to stay awake in class...WHILE I'm typing and taking notes. I'm going to spontaneously pass out. And while the intermittent cramps are scary, my lower back hurts! Like all the time. There is a lovely ligament that runs from your uterus to your sacrum, true story.

Oh, and according to my ER report my sodium is fine, but I have low albumin, which does decrease in pregnancy, but it's associated with swelling. Damn. It. So in an attempt to up my protein, I ate two cheese sticks and two of these...BOGO at the Publix, peeps!

I also bought my preggo journal *finally* and I got my dad a cute little grandparents book to fill with all the stories I've heard 50 million times. My parents have been on this impending doom kick about how they're going to die and I'm going to be like a lost baby bird *I am the youngest, my sisters live far away, and my mom dubs me "a loner". Oh yeah, I have no husband, either* but it just about killed me when due to this inside joke thing in my family, I told my mom I'd name my kid with my dad's name four times and then last name, like as a joke, but my dad thought I was for reals serious and lit up like a Christmas tree and was all "I'd really like that, you know, I'm not going to be around much longer." Straight punch to the gut. In my opinion, being honest with yourself and others is a good thing. But that's not my dad. He thinks he is invincible and Superman. So basically, him owning up to his mortality and accepting it like that is not a good omen. And this has been responsible for my random bouts of hormonal pregnancy crying.

I believe my next appointment is March 5th. They might do the NT screening, I'm not sure. I also feel a little ready to buy some stuff, the problem is where to put it. I did decide on the dressers I wanted so if I have someone to help me, I might get them next week.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

First Official Appointment!

My morning was crazy. I *thought* I was scheduled for a cleaning with the dentist and it would go fast because no x-rays right? NOPE. No big deal, so they did a visual assessment and perio chart. So I thought I was getting my cleaning. NOPE. I was scheduled for fucking x-rays. They want to do another scaling, which I had done like...4 years ago. I know, bad me. But honestly, I don't know if the teeth that need it are the same teeth as 4 years ago, and what's more is that I'm pretty sure it involves at least 3 quadrants aka more money. So they can wait, at least until the 2nd trimester. Even if a regular cleaning "couldn't address the issues" damn, the rest of my teeth are being neglected!

SO onto the baby doctor. I love my doctor, I love her office assistant. I hate the fucking nurses she hires. I sware they never last past a year. This woman had the audacity to ask me HOW I would know about water retention....Um, I gained like 10 pounds overnight, my hands, fingers, stomach, ankles, legs, and feet are swollen. Let's not forget my face sometimes. Whatevs.

I DID get an ultrasound but it was very quick. She just verified that the baby was there and had a heartbeat, which it did. I don't know the rate, or the measurements. I just know it was bigger, definitely bigger than the yolk sac, my gestational sac was bigger, but the details weren't clear. I did see the heartbeat. I had to actually pick my butt off the table and wiggle around with that probe in me to get a better picture. But it definitely has a head, and a body. Definitely a human lol.

Now I believe it is definitely just one. My doctor asked me if the ER said anything to me about blood in my uterus, I said no. She asked me if I had bleeding since then, I said no. That's when she pointed it out that I had "old blood" in my uterus or a subchorionic hematoma/hemorrhage. It was really tiny so no worries. But it was right where I thought I saw a second sac. I feel a little justified in my weird feelings, but a little pissed because I specifically asked them to check and see if they saw anything else, especially if it LOOKED like another had tried to implant but hadn't made it because I felt like I'd need to know that. Until I get the pictures back from that ER visit I don't think I'll know, because from what I can tell, they are similar. But a SCH doesn't have the "double decidual sign" around it like a sac.

But still. I NEED to know. 

I got the test code for the Maternit21 test, that's what they offer, so I can see how much it's going to cost. And then I got another goody bag, fun. 

I'm feeling a lot more relaxed now than I was, but it's still not real real yet, but like a very nice dream, like planning a Disney vacation lol. And I'm going to buy my pregnancy journal!

***Update*** got the pics and stuff from the ER. I couldn't see a SCH, and the report specifically said there wasn't one. They also said they couldn't see the baby at all. Then I found THIS picture: